Getting Out Of Debt

My mother is dying. And I'm okay with that. She is dying as she has lived, with outward compliance and inner fortitude. Some would call it stubbornness. All I know that for as long as I can remember, Mom has been known as the easy-going one, the non-complainer, the peace-maker....until it mattered. Then Mom could dig her heels in like nobody's business and because she did it so rarely, people sat up and took notice.

I remember when my brother married a (gasp!) Lutheran woman and my staunch Catholic father proclaimed months before the wedding that he (translated "he and Mom") would not attend if the union was to take place outside of the Catholic church. For months, he ranted; for months my mother let him go on (and on....and on). When the nuptials were indeed slated to be held at the Lutheran church, it looked like Dad was about to make good on his threat; until Mom intervened. "We're going," she stated quietly but firmly. Dad roared his protest a la Archie Bunker. "We're going," Mom replied quietly. They went. Sat in the front pew. A good time was had by all. The moral of the story? Don't mess with Rita.

Several years ago, Mom was diagnosed with dementia and we watched as her memory, but not her personality, failed her. As my faithful readers know, Mom fell and broke her hip this past March. The recovery has not gone well. Mom gently but firmly has refused physical therapy. Now Mom gently but firmly is refusing to eat. She gets the nursing home staff off her back by chugging down a protein shake or two each day. Her health care workers blame the dementia. Rita doesn't know any better. Rita should have a feeding tube. (No way, Mom made it abundantly clear in writing 30 years ago that this will never happen.).

The reality is that Mom is done. She is 88 years old, her body and mind are failing and she is simply done living. I see nothing wrong with that attitude. In fact, I admire it. I grieve not about her death, but for the remaining time of her life. There's nothing worse than being done with something and having to stick around doing it anyway. Think of the jobs you've hated, the relationships that grew stale and bitter. When you're done, you're done. Hanging on after that is torture.So my siblings and I respect the fact that Mom is done and vow to live our lives as she has. The last lesson my mother has taught me is the absolute necessity of--in the beautiful words of the Desiderata--"speaking my truth quietly and clearly." This is something at which I've been remiss in my past. Sometimes it's easier to assimilate into someone else's truth, to go the way of the crowd, to blend in. Trust me, peer pressure does not end at 16. If my mother were to capitulate to the pressure of her nursing home staff, she'd be chowing down 3-course meals, watching Highway to Heaven in the community room every evening, brushing her own dentures, and participating in painful rehab exercises. She's having none of it. She's done.

So here is my truth, quietly and clearly. It is time for the next phase of my life and it will be considered an unconventional journey by many. Fortunately, my husband is on board with it and that's all that matters. It's time to move on, quite literally. As much as we love North Denver, we are done. Mostly, we are done with the American pace of life, where busy-ness is considered a status symbol. Call us unfashionable, but Jeremy and I make time for nothingness--"goofing off" as he calls it. We generally find that we goof off alone, as our friends are all too busy to join us. I'm not sure what it is they are doing, but it must be either terribly important or thoroughly enjoyable, because although they all complain about how busy they are, they don't do anything to stop it.

We are done with the preconceived notion that in order to be successful, we are expected to work years and years at jobs we dislike (in fact, the more we dislike our jobs, the more we are admired for sticking with them) in order to retire and finally enjoy life. We're done with the senseless deaths of the Iraq war, done with gasoline prices, SUVs, violent movies, and the vast wasteland of beige mansions that increasingly populate the landscape of our Denver suburbs. We've embraced simplicity and taken it as far as we can in our current surroundings. But it's not enough. It's not our complete truth.

So our new adventure is taking us to Ecuador, where life is simpler, gas is affordable and the people are as affable as our North Denver neighbors--albeit in a different language.. Of course, this is admittedly a country where roasted guinea pig is a national delicacy, so we're not saying it's 100% paradise, but it's time for us to try another lifestyle. Pass the protein shakes, honey, we're movin' on! We are learning Spanish and doing our research. We've scheduled our Ecuadorian visit for early July and most important, we've put my beloved Victorian home and office up for sale. North Denver has been bountiful to us, both personally and business-wise and my fervent wish is that someone will buy the property and achieve the same level of prosperity and happiness that I have achieved here. In fact, if not for our delightful Sloan's Lake and Highland's neighborhoods, I'm sure we would have felt the need to move on long before now.

I am heeding my mother's legacy. Live your truth and do not let anyone else--even your own fears--dictate otherwise. My children are grown, my business is flourishing and can be managed anywhere in the world. My mother will soon transition to her next phase. There is nothing holding me back. My next few articles will feature the pros and cons and ups and downs that accompany moving to another country. Hopefully, my story and my mother's resolve will inspire you to live your truth as well.

Come on....think about it....what it is that you really want to do?

Maureen Thomson is a wedding officiant and owner of Lyssabeth's Unique, Joyful & Memorable Ceremonies. Visit her website at http://www.memorableceremonies.com or http://www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com

AP - Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama hit back Thursday with a 40-page rebuttal to the best-selling book "The Obama Nation," arguing the author is a fringe bigot peddling rehashed lies.